I sit here in this small room of wonder staring out at the city lights listening to some old 70's rock and count the stars as if they were minutes leading to a new year.

This is going to be one of the longest year i have ever experienced. Far far away from family and friends as an alien worker in a foreign land. Although the title sounds so interesting, its absolutely the opposite. I am struggling for an identity for 4 months now.

I still sit here in this room of wonder trying to analyze and realize the past as i listen to some old 60's rock and roll and count the stars as if they were minutes leading to a new year.

I analyze that we have reached great heights in every thing that we have done. The only problem is that whatever we have done has led to some kind of destruction. Was it that we came to end something that was created? Was it that we were destroying things so that someof us could recreate it in a better and a more secure way? These are just passing thoughts.They pass through your mind and makes you realize that what we have done has only led to a zeppelin of destruction.

By now you might think that I am a humanist, which i am not, nor am i a communist. I wish i was a poltergeist but i am not that too. I am what i think. 'Cogito Ergo Sum' is the motto i live by. The only power that i posses is the power of thought, and that is what drives me on.

I continue to sit here in this room of wonder trying to make sense out of nonsense as I listen to some old 60's rock and roll and count the stars as if they were minutes leading to a new year.

How can we classify people into groups? Everyone thinks differently, everyone has a different point of view. So why do we curtail their freedom by classifying them into certain groups? Is it correct? Is it right? Are we not completely curtailing someones freedom at the very outset? Are we not defining what freedom means for an individual? How can we change the meaning of an universal term like freedom from person to person? A list of questions unanswered is the reply !!

A constant battle between the id, the ego and the superego results in this state of complete confusion that i presently am in. Sometimes i get confused about my very existence. A world split apart by so many divisions of culture, creed, race, religion. A world torn apart by war and infighting. Is this what the creator desired? Did he create destruction so that he can recreate when its all gone? Is it just a way that he has to keep himself occupied? Or is it us the human kind that have manifested this evil nature of destroying? If yes what for?

Contentment is the birthright of all but revoked by most. Maybe that is what is the root cause of all evil. To achieve utopia, contentment should not be a thought, it should be a way of life. I know it is impossible to achieve this with people who have already seen greed and lust and competition. The only way out would be to breed a new generation in a distant land with the concept of contentment as the answer to all evil. I maybe totally wrong, but is there a better way out?

And there it was, the final tolling of the bells !! It had come !! It was there, and someoneone somewhere knew that i was right !!!